hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
