The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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