Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
