Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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