Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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