Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Randomize
