420 ftw
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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