Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
there was a trapeze. enough said
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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