Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
