No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
