I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
