I bet he comes in French.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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