i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
