Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
