Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
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