Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
