his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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