just come out here and I will go home with you...
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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