is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
