Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
