That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
