I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
