Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
