i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
she told me i tasted like america
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
