If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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