It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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