I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
