I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
It's official drugs can't kill me
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
