I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
