Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Randomize
