I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
