First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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