Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
