he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
