I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
