Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
