That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
