I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
