Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
