I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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