To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
