the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
