Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
