I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
