see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
