Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
