this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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