People in love make me want to vomit
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
