Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
