You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
